This, my fine, feathered friends, is the arena for unfair and unjust criticism of the Aniboom EyeDoll contestants. You got a problem with that? The masses like to believe that criticizing is really easy, and the truth of the matter is…well, for once the masses are right. Who said that in order to make a fortune you have to work hard? Or have any talent? Or look good? All you gotta do is be at the right place at the right time and surgically remove your conscience (with the aid of anesthetics, of course) and poof! Here it goes:

So I was staring dumbly at the contestants' performances, when suddenly it hit me - I hadn't seen such a pathetic group of losers since my high school chess team. This poses a serious problem since somebody HAS to win this godforsaken competition. Therefore, I’ve decided to contribute a brilliant idea from my incredible pool of genius theories and notions, neatly stored in the frontal parietal lobe of my brain. It hasn’t been removed yet, though doctors say it may be needed soon.

So listen closely: we shall implant charisma! All we need to add some charisma is an itty bitty makeover. A new wardrobe, a trendy haircut, some styling and then this group of tree hugging pansies will rule the world. Or at least have a shot at it.

Here are a few examples based on successful models:





Get it? Brilliant idea, huh? But I don’t honestly expect any of this to really happen. Nothing ever happens the way I want it to. Even the set of 20 lb. weights I bought didn't add an inch! And frankly, that's what the Steroids are for…Nurse! Nurse! Where did everybody go…? Abducted by aliens again..?! Goddamnit!